Nailing it

IYKYK - We can expect and rely on the fact that everything will NOT be perfect, most of the time.

And yet……

I’m about to draw quite  a long bow with this analogy…….Anybody grow your own natural long nails? Have you noticed the patterns of your nail growth cycle to reveal a metaphor for life?

I know. It’s a bit weird - but hey I’m a bit weird and I’ll take my cosmic reminders and divine downloads anywhere I can get ‘em!    And this week I had a whole mini-epiphany come through while I was painting my nails:

My natural nails are perfect right now! It only happens maybe 3 times a year. Perfection is fleeting. And so I try to enjoy it while it lasts 💅             

Yet why, when I know perfection is so fleeting, do I expect myself to be it, most of the time. Seems silly.           

Right now, all 10 nails are long, strong, and perfect, at the same time. Synchronicity!
Just like LIFE can at times feel like every single element is in perfect sync and it’s firing on all 10 cylinders — fully in the flow, aligned, effortless (long, strong & perfect)  every aspect of life, in an upswing, all at the same time!! - yeah - exactly - that kinda stuff only happens maybe 3-4 times a year.  Unicorns! These moments are definitely worth noticing and celebrating!

But if you know, you know… that first crack (in nails & life) is comin’!!
and for some reason it always starts with the same nail every time! — the exact way the first crack in life seems to happen - It’s usually about the same time I allow my self-care to unravel.   I skip meditation. I drop off my ‘non-negotiable’ exercise routine.

Not long after that another nail breaks (maybe timed with a comment/argument that triggers in some way)
And then BAM — three nails go all at once;  ie; a client falls through. A big surprise bill lands in our lap. A cold takes us out. Something breaks … It’s a hat trick of Murphy’s Law!

So what do you do? Well in those moments I know I get the shits and cut off all my other nails to match the short ones!  Ha!  Yep, I roll in the grenade.

Now my hands look like chewed up lil’ sausage nubs. And life appears to have returned to the daily grind of spinning EVERY plate, all at once. (but now with nubby little fingers) 

The trajectory has moved around to the dark side of the moon once more.                               

And while we’re in darkness, these are the times when the stresses creep in. I start to chew my nubby nails. I start to eat a few more carbs. It all feels a little more ‘slumpy”.               

But I know this pattern.

I also know it well enough to know that… the upswing is always coming back around again.

We are experienced enough to KNOW that our orbit always brings us back into the light. Eventually.

In 3–4 months my nails — and my life — will feel shiny, easy and in flow again.

….Just in time for the cycle to repeat again.

AND THAT’S OK!

So what did my fingernails remind me:
✨ Stay steady.
Don’t check out and celebrate too hard when things are good.
Don’t white-knuckle, stress-ball it out, when things are hard.                                                                               

The pendulum consistently swings both ways - up and down and everything in between              

It is the cycle of life.                                                                                                                        

It’s a rhythm, not a solid state.                                                                                                              

Better to keep it steady & loose - grateful for all of it                                                           

Because neither states are ‘good’ nor ‘bad’. Better or worse. Up nor down.  

It’s all just the orbit that a life takes.
Ride the wave… no need to let it toss us around inside the spaceship so much.

Nail wisdom. Who knew!  😂💅

Can you relate? Is there any seemingly mundane thing or act in your life that teaches you the most profound life lessons?

Reminds me of that beautiful William Blake poem - 

To see a World in a Grain of Sand And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,                                                                     

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand And Eternity in an hour

BODY SHAME

BODY SHAME.
BLEAARRRGGHHHH.

I’m so over it. Anyone else?

This photo is a photo of me from Burning Man. I’m not wearing as much clothing as I typically do, clearly. And by God(dess) it felt good!!! I Love getting dressed up in fun costumes and the Burn is definitely a perfect place to do that. It’s a place where your full self is celebrated and every inch of you is welcome - It’s a very refreshing place to exist for a while. I like it a lot. It’s good for the soul.

But since I got back I’ve been noticing something coming up about sharing this photo. 

And THAT SUX!! Coz I felt so damned good about myself in the moment. So free and sexy and fun and empowered. I LOVED the photo when I first saw it. And now what is that feeling?  Shame? 

Oh yeah. F**king shame - how base and boring is that. 

I wonder, why is it so hard to celebrate ourselves some days.
To stop letting 20 pounds up or down, (or other ‘lackings’) define our worth.
I know we know that we deserve more than that. But. Or rather Yes, And

Too big. Too little. Too much. Not enough.

Body shame is everywhere.
It’s like the ocean to the fish — we’re swimming in it and don’t even realize it.
It’s in our conversations, our schools, our offices every image of our media…. in the mirror.

Here is a quote from an excellent book called The Body Is Not an Apology  but Sonya Renee Taylor “Different kinds of body shame stem from systemic oppression, including racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia, and fatphobia, which tell us that certain bodies are superior to others. This leads to internalizing negative self-talk, such as feeling like you must apologize for your body's size, age, or disability, and fuels consumerism by pressuring people to buy products to "fix" themselves. This shame can also manifest as feelings of inadequacy, the need to hide parts of yourself, or the constant pursuit of an unrealistic, narrow standard of beauty”

And we are ALL affected by it. It’s bullying and I have a sneaky suspicion we are all guilty of it at one time of another. I catch myself doing it to myself and then I catch myself doing it to others and then I catch other people doing it to me, sometimes even people who love me! Or I witness it being done to others and it’s so ‘normal’ I hardly even clock it for what it is - shame. It’s insidious. 

We don’t even know we’re doing it, for all the good intentions, we and our culture can’t seem to help it. It’s become part of our ‘way’. 

But I really want us all to be able to help it - 

So I’m getting better at catching it the second it rears it cheeky snout

It’s gotta start with me.
Lately, I’ve been walking around in short shorts. Skimpy clothes. Catching myself in the mirror and whispering,  “You’re a hot bitch.” to my reflection. It’s working.

Not because I believe it every day.
But because I’m practicing.
I’m re-learning how to love every curve — every soft, strong, brilliant, aging part of this very clever body that’s danced it’s through so much.  With still so much more to come.

This practice in turn allows everything and everyone else to be seen through a lens of beauty - You know how it works.  

We love ourselves

We love and inspire each other.

We  break the rules. We change it

We celebrate every beautiful, fierce, one-of-a-kind body. Big. Small. Black. White. Differently abled. Old. Young. 

So If you’re half as tired of the shame as I am…
Start small. Wear less. Say more loving things - to yourself and others!
And maybe… post that photo you’ve been scared to post. The one where you’re showing up as ALL OF YOU — radiant and real. I’d love to see it!

I’ll step off my soapbox now.
But just know this — I love you.
And I hope next time you catch yourself in the mirror, you’ll say the same. 💙coz you’re a hot bitch and you know it

*** I coach this stuff too by the way - if you need some help resetting your mindset, healing from from shame & blame trauma & rediscovering your full F*** Yes to your life - HIT ME UP! I am a Somatica certified Intimacy & Relationship Coach and a Witchy Woman Rebirth Doula. I love my work & I would love to connect with you - book a free call and you see if I might be a great next step or you

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